Camping Catastrophe

I love this piece by Judith Warner of the NY Times about “affluenza,” an affliction which strikes many by giving them an enormous sense of entitlement, a lust for constant new material goods and children completely incapable of being unhappy for a millisecond. I agree with most of what she says. Her piece spins off of another article which appeared in the NY Times last week about how ritzy sleep-away camps cater to very worried parents, going so far as to hire a parent liaison (like a concierge) to answer parents’ worried emails at all hours.

Yes, there are time when I do overly cater to my kids, but I know in the back of my head that they need to do things on their own and deal with difficult situations to gain the life skills they must have to survive and function in this world. I have a friend who never allows her daughter to do anything that might somehow bring stress into her life. After school classes are too stressful. Camp is too stressful. Making new friends is too stressful. The kid is 8-years old and is already learning that sitting around and doing nothing is about all that’s expected of her.

I did go to sleep-away camp as a kid, but I flew there by myself (from age 10), never had my parents visit on visitor’s day (they lived too far away) and spoke to them maybe twice throughout the whole summer. Oh, and I loved every minute of it and still hold those memories dear. We do live in a highly competitive world and feel the need to constantly protect our children. I’m guilty of it too. But, I do try to have some perspective that all of this protection may honestly be one of the most harmful things we can do.

Number 2

I’m not going to lie to you. I can’t wait for the day when I don’t have to be intimately involved in my children’s toilet activities. I know it’s a part of life, I know it will all pass, and, I know this is a whole lot easier than dealing with a teenager. But still, after this morning, I’m thinking to myself, maybe in another two years I can be done with it all?

My 8-year old is pretty self sufficient at this point. She’s not always perfect about cleanliness but she’s getting there and doing pretty much everything herself. The 4-year old is another story. She’s potty trained and has been for about two years now. She still wears a pullup at night, which I have no issue with. I know when she’s ready, they’ll go. The lingering issue is the accidents which appear to happen in random and inconvenient places. Again, I can deal with an occasional wet pair of underwear, it’s the other stuff that remains a challenge at times.

Whenever she is distracted, or very relaxed and playing, the poop (or number 2) slips out. This morning it happened while she was in the bath. All of a sudden she said she had to go, but first some landed in the bathtub, some on the floor and some on the toilet seat. Oh, and because it got on her hands and she touched her hair, guess where else it went?

I don’t know whether to show my annoyance or be endlessly patient. Maybe at some point, kids should be “scared straight.” All I know is that I look forward to a time when this topic is not the main point of discussion in my house and everything is easily flushed away.

Yip Yap

There’s been lots written about the actress Katherine Heigl, and her apparent inability to keep her mouth shut. She’s made comments about Knocked Up, the movie that got her where she is today, inferring that it was sexist. She’s also been noticed by the media for electing not to put her name up for Emmy consideration for her role in Grey’s Anatomy due to a “lack of quality material.” Was she always this way or has her recent success and stardom gone to her head? It’s hard to know.

As much as I respect people speaking their minds and being honest about their feelings, there is something slightly irritating about a 27-year old celebrity raking in serious bucks, yet complaining about things to the press. She may be speaking the truth and completely correct, but you still just kind of want to grab her by the shoulders and tell her to shut up. Being up there at the top of the heap is a precarious position to maintain. There are always younger girls right around the corner just waiting to take your crown away.

I mean, look at what speaking his mind has done to Tom Cruise’s career. He seemed quite invincible to me and suddenly, based on certain actions, became the butt of jokes. Katherine, your stardom is not yet solidified. Keep your mouth shut and try not to blow it. You need people (especially women) to see your movies. You don’t want them thinking of you as some kind of spoiled harpy who has gotten too big for her britches.

Burnout

I’ve got mommy burnout — and I’m not talking about being a mommy, but rather about meeting and befriending others of my ilk. I know we’re all sort of in the same boat and it’s great to have women with whom to commiserate, but I just don’t feel the need to increase my “friend” roster. I’m tired of hearing the “lack of sleep” stories, the “she won’t eat” stories, the “meltdown at the mall” stories. If the kids are younger than mine, I’m really not interested. Sorry — been there, done that. I made it safely to the other side and I really don’t want to look back.

Don’t get me wrong — I’m happy to talk to my friends and compare notes or hear about their issues. I need that reassurance and support at times. I just don’t want to start having to keep track of a new mom’s set of problems. I took my 4-year old to the library today for the 3- to 5-year old storytime. It’s summer, I’ve got 14 hours a day to fill without resorting to all TV all the time, so I figured I would give the library a shot. After all, my kids love going there (and it’s free).

I sit next to one woman who has three kids and starts telling me they’ve been coming for years, since her son turned two (he looked about 4). On my other side, I’ve got a woman with an enormous double stroller that is blocking the way for others to sit. When asked by the librarian to move it to the back, she sniffed with offense and obliged unhappily. Her daughter was playing with some fake food and refusing to share with anyone.

I’ve still got young kids, but I feel so done with this whole scene. I have no patience for rude difficult parents, or their kids.

Bonesetter

My eight-year old wants to break her arm — or her leg. I remember thinking casts looked really cool when I was a kid as well. She’s got a friend with her arm in a sling due to a fracture and another friend who has broken her bones three times. I guess there is the sympathy factor — you get lots of attention when you have an arm or leg in a cast, and it also seems really fun to have everyone sign their name. She never seems to consider the sensation of pain you have to go through if you really and truly break something. Or, the inconvenience of not being able to shower easily or grab something quickly. Or, the general itchiness of having your skin wrapped in plaster for 6 weeks.

So, last week my daughter “fell” or staged a fall off of the bottom part of our stairs. It happened when no one was looking and we only heard the result — loads of yelling and an immediate announcement of a broken bone. We checked the arm in question, did not see any swelling or bruising and gave her some ice. There appeared to be some discrepancy about where, exactly she had fallen. The pain would move from the wrist to the upper arm further hindering our efforts to diagnose.

She claimed all would be well if only she could have a sling. I nixed the sling, knowing that it would inhibit her from fully enjoying her camp and make her counselors wary of having her do activities. We finally settled on an ace bandage of sorts to keep everything in place and to ensure proper “recovery.” It’s hard to know what to do when kids may not really be hurt, but claim to be — either for attention or the “cool” factor. I decided to go with it up to a point. I wanted her to know that we believed and trusted her, but not dwell on it too much or make a big deal out of the whole thing.

She’s told everyone within earshot that she sprained her arm. Fortunately, the bandage now appears to have been lost.

Dancing Queen

So, I went with a friend last night to see Mama Mia, despite the mediocre reviews and cheesy premise. A wildly popular play that I have never seen, I really wanted to know what all the hype was about. After all, people have been raving about this story for years. There were no men in the audience, kind of like Sex in the City, and the theme also revolved around love at an older age (over 30), which I find quite refreshing. The movie is pretty much what I expected, actors breaking out into Abba songs — some doing surprisingly well while others like Pierce Brosnan (who looks amazing by the way) eliciting giggles from the audience whenever he tried to invoke his baritone — and a story with lots of holes.

Towards the second half of the film, it did turn surprisingly sweet with some sentimental moments for all to enjoy. I liked the movie, it was fun, silly and a true getaway from daily life. I’m happy to see Merril Streep in anything and she looks beautiful. Either she is aging very well or has had the kind of minimal work that never looks too staged or fake.

My only real criticism is a trend I’ve noticed recently in “women’s” movies. Whenever a group of girlfriends in a film haven’t seen each other for a while, they all run screaming towards one another and sort of dance around. It happened multiple times in both SATC and Mama Mia.

I, personally, have never run screaming to my friends when we have some sort of reunion. Do women really do that? If it looks as annoying as it sounds, I’m hoping I’m never in the position where I have to run screaming down a dock, or a street in New York City with my arms flailing like a mental institution escapee to see a friend.

Movieland

I did not see The Dark Knight over the weekend, as a huge chunk of the US population appears to have done. I saw Space Chimps instead. It wasn’t really my first choice but faced with 2 kids — 8 and 4 respectively — and some free time on a Sunday after being home most of the day, Space Chimps seemed like a good bet. After all, the NY Times called it “hilarious.” My husband begged off Space Chimp duty because, as he put it, “it’s really a waste of money for me to go as well.” So, he saw Batman and the Joker at their finest while I was stranded in rated G-land with loads of popcorn and a hotdog.

It’s funny how those things happen. Husband gets to see the cool, new, R-rated adult flick while wife and kids sit mind-numbingly through some mediocre child-oriented story. I was the only one who was bored to tears, by the way. The kids liked Space Chimps. We’ve also seen Wall-E (too highbrow for my 4-year old who promptly fell asleep) Kit Kittredge and Kung Fu Panda (which we all liked). For me, any excuse to go and eat greasy popcorn in the dark with 200 other people is a good one. I barely care what I see anymore and will sit through any drivel just to be in a movie theater.

I know there will come a time again where I can sidestep the G-rated fare and skip on to PG-13 or even R. But for now, we’re all anxiously anticipating the premiere of Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Sounds like a winner to me.

You Want a Piece of Me?

Just saw the news flash that Britney has given K-fed full custody of her two boys. I assume with these custody type things that they can change over time. In other words, if Britney is deemed capable in a year or two, she can start sharing custody again. We haven’t seen much of Britney these days — seems like she has been lying low and taking care of herself with the help of her dad. Thank goodness she seems to be back on track, but I guess not quite enough to have two little boys in her full care.

I just find it all so sad. A pop star who never had much of a childhood herself has kids waaaaayyyy too young and then is saddled with these two little lives. Is her ex (Kevin) really that capable or is it just the lesser of two evils? Can he raise two little boys? I’m sure there is lots of help around in the form of nannies, maybe even a grandmother of two, but still, is someone making sure that they go to a good preschool? That they’re eating well? Going to bed at a reasonable hour? Reading to them? Doing activities other than spending days at Toys R Us?

Britney, we’re pulling for you. Get yourself together and then focus on those two kids. They didn’t ask to be brought into this world. You’ve got the means to give them a great life. Being a parent is really hard, maybe even harder than producing a multi-platinum album. It’s humbling, but it’s also the one thing you will leave behind that people will remember.

Grandma’s House

What happens when grandma has different rules around the house than you do? Clearly kids tend to get away with a whole lot more with their grandparents then they do with mom. I realize it’s sort of what this generation is around for — to spoil the kids a little bit, indulge them, buy them things and then ship them home. And, I’m happy for my kids to have special times away from me, but sometimes there is major fallout when we all regroup again.

My 4-year old spent a week with her grandparents and aunt a few months ago in Miami. My husband had a conference there so he flew her back and forth and had her stay with his parents while he worked. It was supposed to be a little vacation for everyone. I got to spend uninterrupted time with my older daughter, my husband got to sunbathe and my little one was waited on hand and foot. We all had a great week but then had to come back to reality.

My 4-year old arrived home with a new wardrobe, loads of pictures and a brand new attitude. I can’t tell you how many times she would say that Aunt Aileen let her do such and such or Abuela (grandma in Spanish) did x,y, and z with her. I had to repeatedly remind her that I was not Aunt Aileen or Abuela and that we had different rules in this house. There were some tears and resistance. It took about 10 days for real life to sink in. Yes, she lives here. Yes, I am her mom.

Any thoughts on how to deal with indulgent grandparents and a completely different set of rules?

Junk Food Mania

Isn’t it funny how the “junk food” we ate as kids (and sometimes still crave as adults) we would never bring into our own homes let alone allow our kids to eat? My mom cooked and made plenty of healthy things (I remember brown rice being a staple along with fresh orange juice every night at dinner) but she still made Hamburger Helper once a week (which I loved — sodium content be damned). We also had Twinkies in the house along with Doritos, Little Debbie Swiss Rolls and Chips Ahoy cookies. I still remember eating Captain Crunch cereal, Fruit Loops and Fruity Pebbles.

Truthfully, in my home, I do permit a little bit of this kind of nostalgic junk in. I let my kids eat Captain Crunch, I still occasionally buy Chips Ahoy (which my husband usually devours) and I made Hamburger Helper once — just to see if it still tasted as good as I remembered (it didn’t). I draw the line at Twinkies and Little Debbies, although when I see them I do feel a slight pang of longing.

My basic view is everything in moderation. If I force my kids to eat tofu and nothing even remotely sweet, aren’t they going to crave it later on when they can make their own choices? At the end of day, let’s be honest, Oreos taste good. They may have no redeeming nutritional value, but sometimes eating an Oreo with a glass of milk can wash away all of the day’s angst, even for us big kids.